:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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