I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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