Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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