I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
