Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
