16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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