Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
