Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
