To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
