You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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