I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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