why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
What a dumb baby whore.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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