Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Success! We fucked roommates!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
