Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
