a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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