I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
