No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We need to rekindle our bromance
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
