All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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