Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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