Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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