Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
