do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize