He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
