This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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