I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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