Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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