Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
