guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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