I'm so fucking centered right now
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
