You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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