I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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