Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I pour the whiskey from now on
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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