I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The struggles of a small town man whore
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
