In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Shame - the story of my life.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
