direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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