Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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