oh god the rape fog is back!
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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