Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
