Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I would fuck him just for his dog
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
