I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
