matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
