I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
