I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
