Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
