i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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