Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
