This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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