Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
