theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My bed smells like the plague
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
