College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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