just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
