we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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