I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize