That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
