Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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