I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
