I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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