At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
