the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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