You're my little dorito
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
