He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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