sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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