I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
