Farmville is her only friend.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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