Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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