Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
