Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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