Will you blow on my dice?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
