imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
