He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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