I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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