somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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