I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
