There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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